August 21 2022 is when I started the not so secret blog site dedicated and inspired by a man I affectionately call Brandon. This is when I realized that he’s had a long term hold on my heart and I was completely overtaken by the current in his wake. He is officially the foundation of the longest relationship/friendship that I have left in my current life. He means a great deal to me.
Since then, I’ve used the blog as an outlet to try and cope with both the joys and frustrations of having him in my life. The focus has shifted and the content has become unrefined the more I’ve come to try knowing him. It’s all become a mystery of emotions and circumstances. I'd say it's even become difficult.
I first started the lgbt short story series that I came to call “Hey, Brandon.” Because I had a hard time learning and coping with the impact he’s had on my life and others around him.
People who come to know what it’s (the blog) all really about have said it’s sweet, romantic, charming, and inspiring (a labor of love). The fact that I created an art form dedicated to a secret romantic interest is admirable they say. But in reality from my perspective there is also a great sadness to it, but without it I’d feel empty.
August 22 was the first day I tried approaching the real Brandon in the real world, trying to express that I wanted to begin telling him some important things in person. But always got pushed back as it was caught up in the beautiful whirlwind that is him.
Now there’s been several times where I’ve tried telling him in person how I feel but for the most part have failed. So the last thing I could do was just lay it all out there for him as ugly text and snippets of blog posts that he doesn’t even read or know of.
So the blog goes on and allows me to vent and pose questions that lay on my heart. And I’ll continue to add to it over time like I have.
But I’ve also decided to put everything on the line and show the real Brandon the blog. It’s of course up to him to even take part and read some of it but at least I figure that I’d go against fear and give him direct access.
I am scared but it’s gotten to the point where I’m losing control of everything I once held secret. It all began to come together and fall apart on Aug 21. But from today I’ll put everything on the line.
I’ll continue beginning each day by sending him the message Hey, Brandon and put my feelings out there for him to see. Completely transparent in the hopes for him to see that someone cares about him greatly.